the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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