i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
