I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
