after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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