Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
