please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
