Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
