how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
