I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
