I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
