some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
