so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
