So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
