i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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