U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
