your parents love me but you hate me
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
