Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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