the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
