We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
