standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
