She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
