I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
