My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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