So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
