piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
