she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
