Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
