I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
