Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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