Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
