Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
