After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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