Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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