I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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