We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
