Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
