tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
