I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
