he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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