saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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