just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
