I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I lost the right to judge tonight
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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