I am puke
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
