You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
