Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
