Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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