Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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