You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
