This house was built for laser tag.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
