You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
