im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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