Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I have feelings that need drinking.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
