I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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