Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
