i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
